I am so baffled by this article I don't know where to begin

Confusing and pointless. I've read this article three times and have found nothing which makes sense.

An article about Shea Stadium, written by Denis Hamill (who?).

It begins with the his own lament, one of a "fan" who went to the final game at Shea Stadium. From there, he complains about how much it stunk that the ceremony was held after the game. He's only a few weeks late, no worries.

Then he seems to make up two characters, affectionately called "Dumb" and "Dumber." He claims that he sat near these guys on the final day, but also references to other days too? He seems to have made up this fictitious people to make some sort of point, but it really makes no sense.

The article continues with more whining about Wall Street, some silly "How do you spell 'dot com?'" joke, and oh, look, more economy humor. Hilarious.

Then we get to the point in the "story" when the closing ceremony began, and Hamill has to come out and say one of the more ridiculous things I've ever heard:

But then a painful moment came when Willie Mays, one of the top five baseball players to ever wear any uniform, was introduced to tepid applause. Soon followed by Mike Piazza, a pretty good catcher, but say, hey, not even in the same sport with Willie Mays, and the place went nuts.

Let's take a look at this, Mr. Hamill.

• Yes, Mays is far and away a better player then Piazza. Undeniable fact. But to Mets fans, most of who aren't old enough to have seen him play in his heyday, he doesn't mean much in the history of the franchise.
• Mays played all of 135 games for the Mets, in the very dim twilight of his career.
• Sure he could have gotten a better hand, but as I stated before: as a Met, he wasn't that much.
• Piazza, on the other hand, is a player who crafted his Hall of Fame-to be career with the Mets over nearly eight years and 972 games.
• Piazza hit one of the most emotional home runs in Shea Stadium, and New York City history on Sept. 21, 2001.
• There are so many other things I should be listing here, but if you're any sort of Mets fan, you already know the contributions that Piazza put forth during his time with the Mets. Mays, though an amazing player, did not do that sort of stuff with the Mets, and it was surprising he was even at the ceremony at all.

Guess what this awful article ends with? More economy jokes!

Thank you, Mr. Hamill. I think we all know who the "Dumbest" one is now.